.:Sunday, August 15:.

..:Stupid Gaia...:..

Okay, gaia has exploded. It's been down for 4 days, I have nothing to do and I'm bored out of my skull. Meredith getting bored is not a good idea. Especially now that I can't bug beej because she left for forensic camp this morning and is gone till friday.

Oh, and i have a question for anyone who actually reads this damn thing, can you guys all email me your adresses and phone numbers for the upcoming year? I lost my adress book when I was moving and i can't find anything!

And since I am completely and utterly bored, I'm gonna post this for sheer amusements sake!

If you don't know what this is after reading the first 2 lines, I disown any familiarity I have with you.


Hey...
I'm not a lumberjack,
or a fur trader...
and I don't live in an igloo
or eat blubber, or own a dogsled...
and I don't know Jimmy, Sally or Suzy from Canada,
although I'm certain they're really, really nice.
I have a Prime Minister,
not a President.
I speak English and French,
NOT American.
and I pronouce it 'about',
NOT 'a boot'.
I can proudly sew my country's flag on my backpack.
I believe in peace keeping, NOT policing.
diversity, NOT assimilation,
AND THAT THE BEAVER IS A TRULY PROUD AND NOBLE ANIMAL.
A TOQUE IS A HAT,
A CHESTERFIELD IS A COUCH,
AND IT IS PRONOUCED 'ZED' NOT 'ZEE', 'ZED'!!

CANADA IS THE SECOND LARGEST LANDMASS!
THE FIRST NATION OF HOCKEY!
AND THE BEST PART OF NORTH AMERICA!

MY NAME IS JOE!!
AND I AM CANADIAN!!!


You know You're Canadian When...
- You only know three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup.
- You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
- The mosquitoes have landing lights.
- You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
- You have 10 favourite recipes for moose meat.
- Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
- You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one meter above the ground.
- You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
- Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.
- You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.
- You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
- The local paper covers national and international headlines on 2 pages, but requires 6 pages for hockey.
- At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
- The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
- Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.
- You think the start of deer season is a national holiday.
- You head south to go to your cottage.
- You frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the bears won't prowl on your deck.
- You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
- The major parish fund-raiser isn't bingo it's sausage making.
- You find -40C a little chilly.
- The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freeze.
- You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewellery and your Sorrels.
- You can play road hockey on skates.
- You know 4 seasons: Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter and Construction.
- The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.
- You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.
- You perk up when you hear the theme from "Hockey Night in Canada".
- You stand in "line-ups" at the movie, not lines.
- You're not offended by the term "Homo Milk".
- You understand the sentence, "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my poutine".
- You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars.
- You drink pop, not soda.
- You know what it means to be on pogey.
- You know that a mickey and 4x4's mean "Party at the camp, eh!"
- You can drink legally while still a 'teen.
- You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike.
- You don't know or care about the fuss with Cuba, it's just a cheap place to travel with good cigars and no Americans.
- When there is a social problem, you turn to your government to fix it instead of telling them to stay out of it.
- You're not sure if the leader of your nation has EVER had sex and you don't want to know if he has!
- You get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs.
- Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway.
- You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
- You know what a Robertson screwdriver is.
- You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.
- You know that Thrills are something to chew and "taste like soap".
- You know that Mounties "don't always look like that".
- You dismiss all beers under 6% as "for children and the elderly".
- You know that the Friendly Giant isn't a vegetable product line.
- You know that Casey and Finnegan are not a Celtic musical group.
- You participated in "Participaction".
- You have an Inuit carving by your bedside with the rationale, "What's good enough protection for the Prime Minister is good enough for me".
- You wonder why there isn't a 5 dollar coin yet.
- Like any international assasin/terrorist/spy in the world, you carry a Canadian passport.
- You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing 'u's from labor, honor, and color.
- You know the French equivalents of "free", "prize", and "no sugar added", thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging.
- You are excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada.
- You make a mental note to talk about it at work the next day.
- You can do all the hand actions to Sharon, Lois and Bram's "Skin-a-ma-rinky-dinky-doo" opus.
- You can eat more than one maple sugar candy without feeling nauseous.
- You were mad when "The Beachcombers" were taken off the air.
- You know what a toque is.
- You have some memento of Doug and Bob.
- You know Toronto is not a province.
- You never miss "Coaches Corner".
- Back bacon and Kraft Dinner are two of your favourite food groups.
- You don't feel the urge to purchase maple syrup at the airport.
- When in Niagara Falls, you scoff at how pathetic the American falls are compared to the Canadian ones.
- You've plugged a car in overnight.
- You're not easily impressed by British accents.
- You're easily impressed by British accents.
- You assume the channel you're watching the Super Bowl on probably isn't showing the really good commercials.
- You won a copy of the Bob and Doug record on CD, but refuse to admit to anyone that you've ever said "eh" in your life.
- You fly into a rage in a Los Angeles 7-Eleven because they don't sell Crispy Crunch.
- You would feel safe leaving your children alone with a grown man in a leotard playing a flute to a chicken.
- You've defended your property from trespassers with a lacrosse stick because you don't own a gun.

And, of course, top 10 reasons to live in Onatrio:...

1. You live in the center of the universe
2. Your $400,000 Toronto home is actually a dump
3. You and you alone decide who will win the federal election
4. There's no such thing as an Ontario Seperatist
5. Your grandparents sold booze to the States during Prohibition
6. Lots of tourists come to Toronto because they mistakenly believe it's a cool city
7. The only province with hard-core American-style crime
8. MuchMusic's Speaker's Corner - rant and rave on national TV for a dollar
9. Baseball fans park on your front lawn and pee on the side of your house
10. Mike Harris: basically a sober Ralph Klein


damn am I bored, oh well..

Meru at 5:02 PM