So, Kt had an interesting post the other day on identity and how people shift the way they represent themselves based on what environment they're in, well worth a read, so go here and check it out.
So I was thinking about what she said, and it really is true. When I'm at home, I tend to curl up into myself and just ignore the world for hours at a time with no problems, but Jenn or Tiff or someone comes over and I have to DO something, all of a sudden I have the attention span of a five year old on a sugar high.
And it switches even in my work persona, cause I seem to have a few of them. When I was working in trucking, I was the "it" girl in the office. I knew everything about what everyone was doing around the office, all the names and phone numbers, and I was known to have one hell of a sarcastic streak and a temper, so all the guys in the office tended to either get in fights with me, or buy me sweets to get on my good side. Sammys, the bar where I work now, is a completely different story. Still sarcastic, but everyone around me is so more laid back that it has none of the edge to it. I'm known around there to be the one who's always going to give a smaile or crack a joke and be in a good mood, to the point where I came in last monday in a really bad mood, didn't talk for 15 minutes and just worked and had 6 people ask if I was OK. Weird, the job I liked, I was a horrible person, but the job I can't really stand any more, I'm having fun with my co-workers. Strange.
School Meredith is the quite one, the one in class who speaks rarely, and usually has her nose in the books on campus in her spare time. Only have a few people I talk to from my classes, and we always talk about academic things when we get together. Alot less sarcasm and alot more intellect, not nearly so playful.
Then there is Meredith with her family, where verbal sparring and blackmail is practically a healthy family passtime, I'm always on the defensive and tend to be alot more aware of everything I'm saying.
When with my friends, I just relax. Most of the people I know have known me long enough that they've seen all my sides, so just don't care anymore. They've seen me dance in the snow down bloor street, prance down front street singing bad musical numbers, and scream at people over the phone about how they are wrong and are going to do what I want right now. They've seen me acting like an ass in front of guys, and go all schmoopy around my little sis, and for some reason they still hang out with me.
Have no idea who I really am, maybe thats the point of dating all the time, to try and find someone who you can be all your different selves with and not worry that they're going to look at you weird for something you say. (Or at least not mock you too bad about it).
Whenever I'm in an online game, I tend to sit back and think more about everything I type, people can go back and re-read what you say and brin gi back to haunt you, so I tend to be alot more cautious and not take as many risks in what I do and say.
On my blog... I dunno, I go all over the place. Academic, professional, fangirl and introspective... kinda a weird mix of all of the above and a bit of narration of my own life mixed in. (Although sometimes I end up finding myself trying to narrate my own life as I live it like in Scrubs.)
I should probably figure myself out before I try and find someone else to try and do it for me.
Meru at 2:10 AM