.:Thursday, January 28:.

..:Family and Funerals:..

Alright then, first off, yes I am alive. Secondly, to anyone who's been trying to get in touch I apologize, but this has truly been one hell of a month.

Since the last time I updated I have: gained a new appreciation, and a new hatred, for my family. Attended the funeral, gotten the news I'll be moving and possibly a new job. It's been interesting.

First off, on the moving front. Cavan, the guy who's lived in the basememnt of my brothers house for the past decade, has gotten a girlfriend and is moving out with her. This means that my brother and sis-in-law are claiming the basement as their new studio leaving the biggest bedroom upstairs free. It's almost twice the size of my current bedroom and actually gets a decent amount of sunlight unlike my current room, so in April I get to move and actually truly unpack all my stuff that I had instorage for the past few years simply because I lacked the room to spread out.

I applied to, and have been reviewed for, a job at the local bookstore. I hope I get it as I would love to start my new year by starting in a field I love for once and maybe actually being HAPPY at a job.

To KT:


Apparently this is gencon, held in oz. I want to go

Be warned: The rest of this is pretty much just me ranting about the family and is likely of very little interest to anyone else.

The funeral. The funeral was held on the 17th, piled into a car with all my siblings and my dad and drove down to meet my mum who had been in Windsor for the past week making all the arrangements and settling out all the accounts. My mum was... a bit of a wreck, but I think it did her alot of good to know that all her children came to the funeral of a woman we despised simply to support her through this.

The funeral itself was interesting. My grandmother was a cryptographer in the 2nd world war so they had a full military service before the main funeral itself. The funeral service was polite, and very solemn.

Then came the surreal part of the day.

After the service, we were approached by dozens of people, old neighbors, fellow servicemen and women, fellow chruch go'ers, etc. And the person they talked about? They painted this picture of a woman who was funny, and honourable and sweet, and kind and nice to everyone. Always willing to lend a hand and go the extra mile. I never met that woman in my life. The woman I knew was bitter, and jaded, and petty, and has tried my entire life to sabotage my parents marriage as she never believed my father was "good enough" for my mother. My parents are HAPPY, my dad still makes my mum laugh after 30 years of marriage and losing their first-born son, something no parent should ever have to go through. If for no other reason than that, I would hate her, but there was more.

When I was 13 or 14 I showed up one summer at the cottage wearing a tank top, nothing low cut or with thin straps, just a normal tank because it was a rather hot summer. Grandma? Looked me up and down and told me I looked like a whore, and proceeded to completely ignore the fact that I existed for the rest of the visit. She told my brother terrible things, and after her and my dad got into a massive fight about the way she was treating us, she told my father that she'd get back at him. That was 10 years ago, she never really talked to any of us since then.

I could have dealt with that, but what really hurt? finding out that she went out of her way to stay involved with every other grandchild EXCEPT US as a way to hurt my father, and in doing so devestated my mother with her pettiness and bitterness.

So the funeral? Was truly an excersise in holding my tongue and not telling people the real story behind the old harridan.

On the other hand, I got to meet a few cousins I hadn't seen since I was a little girl, and they grew up to be some really cool people that I'm going to try and keep in touch with, the type of people I'd be proud to say are family.

Unfortunately, they Aunts and Uncles did not leave me with such a changed impression. My mother had 4 siblings, her brother Jim, and sisters Carol, Jo and Pam. And none of them really talk to each other, past actions and life choices split my mothers family apart, and after what they did after the funeral it wouldn't suprise me to hear that none of them ever talk to one another ever again.

Every item that was not willed to someone? Became a battle for who got what, down to the smallest thing, with my mother stuck as the referee as the executor of the will. Needless to say, if I ever see ANY of the aunts again there is not a chance of hell in me keeping silent after what they put my mother through.

Me and my mum are headed back up on tuesday to clear out the last of the big stuff and take it off to goodwill or the cottage, so at least after this week it will be completely over and done with. Honestly though? I walked away from all this just sad, that she hated so much that she punished others for it, and that life stripped away the beautiful funny woman my grandfather married after the war.

On the other hand, all this made me gain a new appreciation of just how much I love and am thankful for my immediate family.

Labels: family, funeral, jobs, Moving, random ranting

Meru at 8:00 PM